


teach me how to say goodbye.

by PatientIsTheNight



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Angst, Death, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:53:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23107261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatientIsTheNight/pseuds/PatientIsTheNight
Summary: “and while the future is fast coming for you, it always flinches first and settles in as the gentle present. this now, this us? we can cope with that. we can do this together. you and I, drowsily, but comfortably.“ - Welcome To Night ValeThere’s always a moment before the end - sometimes you can say goodbye, and sometimes you don’t.
Relationships: Female Dovahkiin | Dragonborn/Jenassa, Martin Septim & Hero of Kvatch, More to be added - Relationship, Nazir & Female Dovahkiin | Dragonborn
Kudos: 8





	1. stars, in your multitudes - Martin & Xan

**Author's Note:**

> Hi so TES is, as a rule, a tragic series, so this is a collection of various moments before The Big Event. Whether characters are saying googbye, don't know that they'll never see each other again, etc etc ANGST TIME BABEY

“Thought I’d find you here.”

Martin didn’t look up as he heard Xan shut the window behind them and slide down the roof next to him. He knew that they’d find him here - it was probably the first place they looked. Ever since they were children, they’d go onto the roof, wherever they were, and look at the sky - to calm themselves, and each other. The stars would always be there, never changing, never wavering. 

But the sky was black, now, heavy clouds blocking out all light. And they were different now themselves. He was the _emperor,_ they were waging a war against the _Daedra,_ and tomorrow he’d be sending his brother _into the jaws of Oblivion._ He realized suddenly that this could be the last night they sat together. This could be the last time he saw them.

Xan bumped their shoulder into his, snapping him out of his thoughts. “You’re thinking so loud, you might as well shout.” They said wryly, a sad half-smile on their lips. It’s been months, but Martin would always be struck by the years he’d missed written on their face. New scars, lines from laughter and anger and concern. Years of life that he’d never been able to experience with them.

Martin laughed shortly and shook his head. “I don’t know what to say.” He said after a moment, and they nodded in understanding. The days of their childhood might be far behind them, but Xan still knew Martin better than anyone, still understood everything he was too afraid to say. 

The two sat in silence a moment longer before Xan drew their knees to their chest and sighed. “Do you remember when I was afraid that pa would be angry about my marks at school, and I hid on the roof all day?”

Martin laughed again, a smile cracking across his face. “A day and a half.” He corrected. “I had to bring you dinner and a blanket.”

“I thought he’d never guess I was up there, and as long as I stayed, I wouldn’t have to face him.” They smiled a bit. “You came and you sat with me and convinced me to come down and talk to him. To face the inevitable.”

The cold knot of dread returned to the bottom of Martin’s stomach. “I’m not hiding from bad marks.”

“But you _are_ hiding.”

When they were young, back on the farm in Kvatch, Martin remembered Xan as that little child following him around with round, adoring eyes. They wanted to do everything their big brother did. Cut their hair like him, went everywhere he did, picked up his quirks and his sayings and his gestures. And by the Nine, Martin loved them. Sometimes he tried to pretend he didn’t, and sometimes they got under his skin like no one else, but they were still his brother. He’d known from the beginning that looking after them would be his life’s work. 

How the tables had turned. 

Martin sighed and hung his head. “I’m sorry, Xan.” He said softly, and they reached out to take his hand. 

“There’s nothing to apologize for.”

Bile was rising in his throat. The sky was so, so dark. “But there is, I-“

“Martin.” They said firmly, and he shut his mouth. They had that power now, the power to control crowds with one soft word. “We said what we had to say about the past months ago. I was angry before, but I forgave you long ago.” They tightened their grip. “And I hope you’ve forgiven me too.”

Martin squeezed their hand in return. “Of course.” He muttered. He stared at the tiles of the roof for a moment, trying to collect his words before he spoke again. “But I am sorry now, Xan. This - what we have ahead of us, ahead of you-“

“Mar-“

“I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but it’s _you.”_ The knot in his throat was suffocating. “And I am sorry for that. After all I have done to you, I am forcing you to do the impossible. I’m _sending my brother to die.”_

Xan’s grip on his hand was so tight he could feel his bones creak. “Marty, look at me.” They said quietly, and he did. They turned to face him and rested their other hand on his shoulder. “You aren’t ‘forcing’ me do a damn thing. If you think that I would leave you to face _Mehrunes fucking Dagon_ by yourself-“

“Watch it.”

“Give it a rest for a second, old man.” They half-smiled. “The point is, I am choosing to do this. I have made my decision, and it is not your fault.” They squeezed his shoulder. “I know what the risks are, Martin, and - I know that you’re afraid, but I’m not.” Their foreheads rested together as Martin clasped their arm and pulled them closer into an embrace. “I’ve lived my life and I’ve made my peace. If I die, it’s to protect the world, and the people I love, and - and _you,_ and everything you’re going to do.” Martin didn’t notice when they’d both started crying, but Xan’s tears were running down their face, and he know he didn’t look much better. “I’ll do anything to keep you safe.”

Martin gave a pained smile and tightened his grip on them, like he could keep them there if he just held on hard enough. “That’s _my_ job.”

“Not this time. It’s my turn to take care of you.” Xan pressed a messy kiss to his temple. “Let me protect you.”

Martin shut his eyes and took a shaky breath, feeling his shoulders slump in exhaustion. “You’re coming home.” He murmured, more to himself than anything. He couldn’t imagine any other option. _Wouldn’t._ Xan was _going_ to come home. 

He could feel them smile and chuckle. “I’ll be back before curfew.” 

They sat there for a moment before he felt Xan laugh again, hiding their face in his shoulder. “What’s so funny?” He smiled, and they pulled away to grin at him. 

“Mehrunes _fucking_ Dagon.”

He laughed abruptly, shaking his head. “Mehrunes _fucking_ Dagon.”

“I mean, I might not have been the best temple-goer, and we’ve both had our own involvements, but what - _who did we piss off, Marty?!”_

They dissolved into hysterical laughter, occasionally trying to force out a quip to each other only to burst out again. By the time they caught their breath, they were both laying flat against the tiles, staring up at the sky. Martin threw his arm around their shoulders, and they rested their head against his chest. It was surprising, how he felt unfathomably old and young at the same time. They weren’t children on a farm rooftop, but maybe that was alright. 

Xan suddenly laughed again and pointed above them. Martin looked up and saw that the clouds were starting to thin out, and had broken just above them. He could see Secunda’s light, and the stars winking down at them. “Would you look at that.” Martin murmured, and Xan laughed again before taking his hand. 

“I’m glad it’s you here with me.” They said after another moment of silence, and Martin tried to ignore the pang of guilt in his chest. 

“Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Xan is transmasculine non-binary and uses they/them pronouns and masculine titles. Thanks for coming to my TED talk


	2. kettering - Lore & Jenassa

Jenassa heard the lone rider approaching their home before she saw him.

She'd been sitting on the deck enjoying the sunlight and trying to read her book, now that she had a moment to herself. Lucia had gone back to Whiterun to continue shadowing Ria in her training, and Sofie was off on an expedition to who-knows-where, saying something about researching the morphology of some root or another near the Jerall Mountains. Jenassa loved her children, she did, and she cherished every moment with them now that they were grown and living their own lives. And she loved her wife. She spent nearly every moment of their quiet retirement close to her, and wouldn't have it any other way. But between the girls, their cousins, Maevis and Hadvar and Brynjolf and Teldryn and Brelyna and Lleril and Mjoll and Aerin  _ and and and- _

It was good to be alone in her own home, sometimes.

The rider was coming up from the south. Jenassa closed her book as soon as she heard it, craning to peek through the treeline. It wasn't out of the question for a family friend to come and visit unannounced. It also wasn't out of the question for someone with a grudge to try and settle an old score, or some fool who thought he'd slay the Dragonborn and earn his notoriety for life. Caution had served Jenassa well over the years, and it would for a few more, if she could help it. A black mare appeared out of the treeline, and her rider saw Jenassa and drew back his hood to wave at her. 

Ah. Nazir.

She didn't wave back.

He was nice enough, of course, he'd done nothing to wrong her. He was good to their family, her children loved him, and he was one of Lore's oldest friends - he'd known her for longer than Jenassa herself. If she was being honest, he was wonderfully charming, and an important part of their family. But she knew what his infrequent visits meant. He and Lore might not discuss "business" where others could hear, always in the basement or behind locked doors, but she knew. Sometimes, she wondered if it was something Mephalan in her that left such a sour taste in her mouth when she dealt with the Dark Brotherhood, an unfortunately frequent occurrence. But some time ago she'd made her peace with the fact that it was a healthy measure of jealousy and fear. Jealousy that Nazir could call Lore away with a moment's notice, and Lore would just make her excuses and disappear with him. Fear that one day she'd never come back.

Jenassa went around to the other side of the deck as Nazir drew closer. Lore was at their smithing area, trying valiantly to repair Lucia's broken bow she'd begged them to fix.

_ ("Lulu, we'll give you the money for a new one." _

_ "Thanks, mum, but that's the one Poppa and Miraak gave me. It's too special." _

_ "If it's so special, why is it broken?" _

_ "... I tried to hit a troll with it." _

_ "You  _ what. _ ") _

Lore looked up and grinned happily as Jenassa waved her down, wiping the sweat from her brow. Jenassa was no fool - she knew that Lore was getting older. Her hair was more grey than golden around her temples, and her face was crossed with lines that had slowly appeared over the years. Laughter lines, smile lines, frown lines; a record of their life together. Of course, she'd never be able to tell Lore herself that. She still acted like a sharp young thing. But to Jenassa, the signs of mortality were painfully evident.

"Nazir's here." Jenassa called, and the grin faltered. Lore nodded once and set the bow on her table before pulling her apron off and wiping her hands. By then, Nazir had come around to the back of the house, smirking as he brought his mare to a stop.

"Well, don't you look decrepit." He raised an eyebrow, and Lore snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Did you shave your hair to hide the grey, or did it all fall out?"

He laughed as he dismounted, running a hand over his freshly shaved head. "I decided to give being the brains  _ and _ the looks a try."

"Disgusting. Disrespectful. Get off my property." Lore slowly cracked a smile, and the two laughed before embracing for a long minute. "Ah, I missed you."

“I’ve missed you too, sister. It’s been far too long.”

Jenassa ignored the icy dread in her gut and crossed her arms, smiling and waving when the two broke apart and Nazir waved to her. The next moment, he rested his hand on Lore's shoulder and pulled her closer to whisper into her ear - Lore's face fell instantly, and she looked up to meet Jenassa's eyes, all signs of joy or excitement gone. Jenassa nodded before she turned away to return to her seat, her book forgotten.

She'd come to accept that their lives would never fully belong to them, of course. There would always be something. That didn't mean she had to like it.

About half an hour passed before Lore came upstairs to the deck. Jenassa had flipped through a few pages, but hadn't absorbed much of it at all. She wasn't surprised to see Lore dressed for travel, her pack already on her back. Nazir wasn’t with her, having evidently stayed downstairs to wait. It was probably for the best - she didn’t want to see him, or she’d certainly have a lot to say about him disturbing their peace and dragging her wife into what was sure to be an absolute mess 

Lore smiled apologetically as she approached, kissing the top of Jenassa’s head. "How long will you be gone?" Jenassa asked, cutting straight to the meat of it. They’d done the same song and dance enough times that she had most of the back-and-forth memorized. 

Lore hesitated. That was never good. "I don't know." She admitted, and Jenassa's heart sank. "It's... This is going to be a hard one, Jen."

Jenassa raised an eyebrow, but kept her thoughts to herself. She wasn’t a fretting housewife and knew better than anyone how well Lore could take care of herself. It was fine. "Will you be alone?"

Lore shrugged, combing her fingers through Jenassa’s hair. "Not sure yet. Probably - I need Nazir where I can use him, and he can get to you if I need him to." Lore offered a half-smile. "It won't be long. If it takes too long, I'll simply inform everyone that I'd much rather be fishing at home and leave them to it.”

"Oh, hush." Jenassa chuckled, lifting her face to accept a quick kiss. "Be careful. Think of me."

"I always do, daelha." Lore held her for a moment longer before she let go, and she was on her way. She and Nazir rode off a few minutes later, into the dying dusk. Jenassa stared after them until night had fallen around her and a chill had sunk into her bones. Her fingers itched. She couldn't shake the feeling that some bell had tolled, some decision had been made, and all that was left was waiting for the aftermath.

She didn't sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lore is my LDB - Jenassa is her wife, their children are Sofie and Lucia. Poppa is Grandpa Teldryn, and the cousins referred to are the children of my other LDB, Maevis, and Mjoll and Aerin’s son.
> 
> Daehla is used as a Dunmeri endearment meaning love.


End file.
